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Be Here Now.

Once again I’m a fool and I know nothing at all.
I’m sitting in the back of a red van looking out the back window. Pale blue sky with one fluffy gray
cloud that appears to be dispersing into nothing ever so slowly. Yellow lines in the middle of the road, stretching farther as we drive further. Trees line the sidewalks. The sun has set but the sky isn’t dark yet; it’s still a pale dusk.
Inside the van, I look up. Something about the ceiling with cheap wood trim, the full bed, & the fact that this van is red takes me back to another red van that I traveled in the summer of 2016. Oh why oh. I’m reminded of a past lover and past friends. Currently, I’m a little lost in love. I’ve decided to be on a path of self-love and rediscovery. (I think out to my most recent love and best friend and hope they are safe out there in the big big world.)
I never hit the road to find myself. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t lose myself along the way though. It wasn’t traveling that made me do it; losing things has been a habit since I was a child.
I feel like a child now, as I am headed to an outdoor hot tub sauna event with live music… Oh California. New experiences often make us feel young or vulnerable. I know I’m partially vulnerable because I feel a bit alone, but as I wrote in another post: I know I am not alone.
Here we go. We have arrived at the destination. Time to be social or maybe just sit quietly. My friends pull out their hash caramels and I hope I don’t get too stoned, but in the end, all will be well.
What’s the point of this post? Honestly, I’m not really sure. Maybe reflection or reminiscing…
Ah I know. Be here now.
I conclude with that. Release my hesitations and the emotional thoughts clouding my mind. Let go. Empty the brain. Be Here Now.
– Foot

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